You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
