I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
