I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
