I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
