These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I just googled if crying burns calories
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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