Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
