It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
