The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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