are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
