i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
