i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
