you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
