would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
