I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize