she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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