I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
