In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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