dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
