I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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