I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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