he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
