Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
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She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
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last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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