im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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