omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
