Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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