Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
