I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
