someone threw a dead crab at me
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
