I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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