either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
