why didn't you poke me back
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
