Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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