I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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