she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
