He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
