there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
