Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
