do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
