I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Randomize
