I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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