it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
