she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize