halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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