in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
