I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
