woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
