just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
and she was petting her beer can
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My legs feel like baby dolphins
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
