been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
