Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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