I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
