I think scott just propositioned me for sex
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
