I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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