I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'm determined to sit on that face.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
