He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
