just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
