Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
