i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
