if you like me you must not know who I am
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
