She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
