dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
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