some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
