will power is for people who don't want to get laid
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
