____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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