so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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