i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
