Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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