she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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