I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
