My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
