Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize