I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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