How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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