this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
