Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
