She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
