i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
