I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Randomize
