I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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