First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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