dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
