i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
