she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
