I just made out with a guy for $7.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
