just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
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