I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
