What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
birth control should be required to get into college
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
