My sheets look like a crime scene.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
