Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
