Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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