The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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